Moussaka, from the Joy of Cooking

Entire Sunday afternoon with the house empty of all but cats presents a great opportunity to try out a new recipe from a TNB favorite category: Overly Ambitious Recipes With High Chance of Failure: Moussaka Edition.

*DISCLAIMER* 

More seasoned cooks than the Non-Blondes and those knowledgeable of Greek food will notice that we have strayed a bit from a traditional moussaka. To these, we point out that a: the butcher in Southie, the only purveyor of ground lamb in the area, was closed, so ground beef from our local grocery store was our only recourse, and b: no, we couldn't just wait for a day the butcher was open to make this. Red Mummy got it in her head to make it and that was the end of it.

You will need:

3 medium-sized eggplants

1 cup finely chopped onions

1/4 cup olive oil or butter

2 lb. lean ground lamb (or beef from your ghetto grocery store)

1 cup drained, canned tomatoes, fresh tomatoes, or 3tbs tomato paste (TNB suggests fresh tomatoes)

1/3 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

1 cup white wine or stock (obviously TNB used the wine.....OBVS)

1/4tsp ground nutmeg (fresh ground is the best!)

3 eggs, separated

1/2 cup fine bread crumbs

1 1/2 to 2 tbs flour

1 cup milk 

1 small onion

3 whole cloves

1 small bay leaf

Grated parmesan cheese

Step 1: Open wine.

Step 2: Drink wine.

Step 3: Drink too much wine.

Having followed steps 1-3 with care, it's time to slice the eggplants. Slice all three into even rounds about half an inch thick (thicker ones may lead to uneven cooking later.) The Joy of Cooking says to peel them, but eggplant skin is lovely so TNB says leave them on. Salt the slices generously, then let them drain for 45 minutes.

 Now, 45 minutes is a long time to wait, especially with nobody home and nothing to do. Here's a few TNB suggestions on how to fill 45 minutes of draining time:

Boop a cat.

Play with a balloon.

New hairdo.

Clip a coupon.

Check Yelp.

 Ok 45 minutes should be about up. Next, saute until golden 1 cup of chopped onions,

Having donned your special Onion Goggles, first. (a Christmas gift from someone who knows Red Mummy's onion-chopping woes all too well.) 

 Followed by the ground lamb (beef), 1 cup fresh diced tomatoes, 1/3 cup chopped parsley, 1 cup white wine (now is a good time to top up as well), 1/4 teaspoon fresh ground nutmeg, and a grating or so of black pepper.

 Let the mixture simmer gently. Next, quickly saute the eggplant in the olive oil until lightly browned on all sides. Note, thicker slices need a little longer. Uniform doneness is important.

Let them drain on paper towl.  Next, beat 3 egg whites until "stiff, but not dry." This means until they form a thick-ish foam, but not too sturdy.

Like this. Runny peaks. 

Fold the egg whites into the cooled meat mixture, along with 1/2 cup breadcrumbs. The Joy of Cooking then directs you to prepare a *double portion* of White (or Bechamel) Sauce, on page 341 (this is the 1975 version of The Joy of Cooking, bee tee dubs.) 

Double portion of bechamel sauce:

Melt 4 tablespoons of butter over low heat, and whisk in about 4 tablespoons of flower. Stir in slowly 2 cups of milk. Take a small onion, and stud it with about 5 whole cloves, and add it to the bechamel with two bay leaves.

Onion is clove-side down.

Cook, whisking occasionally until thick and smooth. Remove the onion and the bay leaf.  Next, add a "small amount" (TNB used about 3/4 of a cup) into 3 beaten egg yolks, with a grating of nutmeg. Add this mixture to the meat mixture.

 Next, layer in a 9x13in baking dish, eggplant first, then meat, ending with eggplant.

 Top with remainder of bechamel sauce, then cover with grated parmesan cheese.  Into a 350 degree oven it goes "until thoroughly heated through." So about 20 minutes or so.

And on goes Katy Perry.

 Moussaka will be bubbly and golden when it's all done.

 Cut into squares and serve (with extra parmesan cheese, if desired.)

Tip #3: How to grind spices (without a grinder).

Let's say you have coriander seeds...

...but your recipe requires ground coriander and you don't have a spice grinder.

What to do? Measure out the quantity of ground spice required but in whole spice form. When the seeds get ground down, there will actually be less than the recipe requires; for seeds as large as coriander, TNB advises doubling up (i.e. the recipe requires half a tsp ground coriander, so you'll use 1 tsp whole coriander seeds). If you're using smaller seeds, like cumin, you can use 1.5 times the ground spice required.

Pour seeds into a resealable sandwich bag.

Seal it!

Now comes the fun part: violence via rolling pin.

You talkin' to me?

It's really important that you push as much air out of the bag before sealing it well. If there is too much air in the bag, it will pop when you begin hitting it with a rolling pin.


Yes, you heard us. You're going to hit that bag senseless with a wooden rolling pin.

Brown Mummy got a little overexcited during this stage.

If the smashed seeds are small enough for your recipe, as they were for ours, you can leave them at that.

Crumbly spices.

If you need them even smaller, you can alternate hitting the seeds with rolling your pin across the bag until your spices are fully ground.

Ta-da!

Ancho Chicken and Rice

There’s been some chit-chat that TNB are anti-blonde. That’s not the case. TNB are very inclusive, we’re just not golden-haired ourselves. We love our blonde friends’ cooking. So much so, this recipe is an homage to our gorgeous friend, Tall Blonde, who taught Brown Mummy when she was just a novice, a liability in the kitchen.

You will need:

1 large dried ancho chili                         2 bay leaves

3 cups chicken stock                              1½ tsp gd coriander

2 tbsp butter                                           1 tsp gd cumin

1 cup white rice                                      1/8 tsp gd cinnamon

¼ cup extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)        a few pinches of gd cloves

2 onions, chopped                                  salt + pepper

2 stalks celery, chopped                         28oz can diced tomatoes

3 cloves garlic, grated                             8 chicken drumsticks/breasts

[plus half a cup of chopped parsley and some EVOO to serve]

ALL the things.

You will also need: a small pan, a medium saucepan, a large saucepan and a large skillet.

Place the ancho chili in Mr. Small Pan, along with 1 cup of stock, and bring to a boil.

Decrease the heat, and simmer until chili softens (about ten minutes).

Watch that bad boy grow ;)

Meanwhile, bring two cups of stock and the butter to a boil in Mr. Medium Pan. Stir in the rice, cover and simmer until cooked (about 20 minutes).

Keep an eye on the pan. Keep the other eye on WINE.

Lazy eye? Drunk eye? I told you to keep an eye on the pan.

In the largest of all saucepans (oh alright, a 4-quart pan), heat two tbsp EVOO over medium heat. Add onions, celery, garlic, coriander (No ground coriander? See Tip #3 above), cumin, cinnamon, cloves and bay leaves.

Onions.

Celery.

Garlic.

Keep those bay leaves as whole as possible.

TNB likes it spicy, so we added a little sprinkle of cayenne pepper for fun.

Gratuitous close-up of herbs

Make it as spicy as you like. Take it from us: ‘tis better to add a little sprinkle of many spices (for complex warmth) rather than a sh!t-ton of just one kind of spice. Season with salt and pepper, and stir the vegetables till soft.

Ask Red Mummy to pose seductively with a bowl.

Add those diced tomatoes (and do NOT cut your finger on the can afterwards, not even if you have an up-to-date tetanus shot. It still hurts.)

Action shot.

Stir, stir, and stir some more.

Once all the flavours have combined, about 5 minutes, discard the bay leaves.

Seriously, take out those bay leaves.

Pour in the rehydrated chili, with liquid...

...grab your electric hand blender (thanks Sadie!)...

En garde!

...and puree the entire mixture until "consistently lumpy". Depending on your palate, you might like to remove the chili seeds before rehydrating (or even afterwards), but TNB like spice, so we left them in.

"Consistently lumpy"

This is a good time to check on your saucepan of rice. Taste to check "doneness":

If your nostrils don't flare, it's not hot enough.

Remove from heat and fluff with a fork. Leave covered, with the heat off, until ready to serve.

In your large skillet, heat two tbsp EVOO over medium heat (you might like to remove the other pots and pans from the stove, so that you have enough room to begin chicken operations). Season chicken and cook (skin side down, if you’re not using skinless chicken) until browned.

Chickens be angry. They spit. Git yourself a splatter guard if you don't want to look like a burns victim.

An excellent complement to your electric hand-held blender.

Flip chicken and cook for another 3-5 minutes before transferring into Mr. Large Saucepan. Don’t worry if the chicken isn’t cooked all the way through; it’ll cook in the sauce.

A little brown.

All the brown. And red. And chicken.

Cover the pan and cook, on medium-low heat, until chicken begins to fall off the bone – about 12-15 minutes.

We threw in a few handfuls of spinach just before we finished cooking. 

Popeye was onto something...

...spinach is delicious.

Serve with rice, topped with parsley.